The move

So me and jay are thinking of moving back to new york. and understandably we are both nervous. i know why i left, and the move down to florida has taught me a lot of things and given me a new experience but it also has messed up a lot for me as well. i been here for 4 years and i want to leave so bad. i have no real friends in florida, a dead end career, and a dislike for the culture. but it has been 4 years, i need to consider that. now im thinking what is this strong pull to go back home. i do have resources there and things that i love to do, but then again my mother and the drama is back there as well. what are the chances of me never bumping into her, its great, due to the fact that i can keep my distance, but it just reminds me of how sad things are between us, i wish i could just push the clock back and change things, but i know i cant. i wanted distance, but i didnt want to be afraid, and i think thats what it is, im afraid, i love not being obligated, but i feel im in the wrong and thats a whole notha story. now i have a baby to consider and a relationship thats 2 years new. and its crazy knowing all this i still want to go back home. i no longer speak to natalie, which is crazy, but its my reality. me and leyda are so much closer now and talk on a daily basis. i have known her for so long and we definately built on our relationship. i cant fail, its not apart of the equation for me. i wish there was a glass ball that i could look into and see my future but i know its not possible. i can only take things one day at a time. i know its planning and looking at the bigger picture. i know i need to get a few things organized before the big step happens
1. save up money
2. get my resume updated
3. fix my credit/lawyer/time share
then before i leave i need for someone to say YES UR HIRED, I NEED U TO START ------
im praying and staying positive.