Animosity

Animosity please leave me...
see i need you to leave me because you are causing problems between me and the one who is to be.
you are shortening my patience and riding the last nerve that embodies me.
see i have prayed and rationalized as to why im here and what else should be.
i question if im sane, or if my mind is playing games.
it always boils down to the same old same.
im angry, agitated, shorttempered, and selfish.
i tell myself, thats not you, there is a better me. but where oh where could she be.
how much sacrificing needs to happen, what more self talk could i possibly do. i would like to crawl in a whole to get my just deserve.
see i know im a good person, good woman, good mom, good employee
but every now and then i get that scowl on my face, when someone is asking too much, saying too much, looking too much, and got there hand out for a little too long.
i just want to shout and scream NO, GET AWAY, NO I CANT DO THAT, NO I DONT WANT TO DO THAT, NO I CANT DO THAT FAVOR FOR YOU, NO IM NOT BUSY, I JUST DONT WANT TO DO...
but i dont say anything, and i fix the scowl on my face, and i replace it with a stiff smile. and i think if i stay away long enough, they wont ask.
if i hold my conversations short enough, they wont look.
but it never fails, and i always get caught up, and im left feeling angry, disappointed, and upset thinking i have no choice.
so.. animosity please leave me

Im pissed

It seems that it is always one thing after another. i sit here and this week has not been a good one. sometimes i dont know what is happening. one minute im happy and the next minute something else goes up in the air. im dealing with a baby, in laws, bills, short money, no time, lack of sleep, and everything in between. its just upsetting. im always on the go, and yes i feel like the camels back has already broken. when does it stop. ill keep praying and trying to stay focused. i just dont know, im just tired and sick and sick and tired. and the other one just wants to always party, whenever he get money he has to indulge in bullshit. thats his outlet, if we have no money how is it you are indulging in these things. lord just grant met he serenity. just grant me the serenity. this is mothers day weekend and please dont turn my attitude sour.